I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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