i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
