Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
