So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize