But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My pussy is not your playground.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How does it feel to date your dad?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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