An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
