I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
