dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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