Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
