it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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