i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
