omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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