Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
