Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
