dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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