Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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