yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The ass gains better be worth it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
