i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
