somebody snuck up and got me drunk
now i know why i became what i already was.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
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Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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