Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
