I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
