Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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