Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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