Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize