Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
