So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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