i think my tv is drunk
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
