A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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