I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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