i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I didn't notice because vodka
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
