can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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