I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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