I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize