The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
