i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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