I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
