why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
