I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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