youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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