Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
