Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
where are you?
Hypothermia
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
