so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
