every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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