I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
