What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
