I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
