I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
