Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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