you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
