He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
