i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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