She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
