I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
