I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
