Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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