his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize