When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
