she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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