fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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