Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't deserve a penis
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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