I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
