he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
