so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Watching her eat just hurts me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The power of my boobs compel you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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