How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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