Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
