allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Randomize
