when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
