my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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