how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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