i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
