i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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