Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
