i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
